19 products
Yeti Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPony Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPonies like two things: apples and sugar cubes. OK, and carrots and scritchies and playing tag, but mostly apples and sugar cubes. This balm smells like those two things. You can stop making out with your pony now.*
*Tina Belcher glasses not included, but recommended.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Puppy Kisses Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDIf you don't like puppy kisses, you can't sit with us. Flavored with peanut butter and pumpkin, and you don't even have to wonder where it's been!*
*No puppies were harmed in the taking of this photo, but Buckley did require 11 treats to sort of sit still for almost (but not quite) long enough to take an in-focus shot.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Reindeer Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDRead My Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDWe've heard that a lot of you use our more salty lip balms as not-so-subtle messages in uncomfortable social situations, so we thought we'd give you a few more (even saltier) options. Now you can stock your drawer with a full spectrum of silent retorts and be prepared for whoever shows up in front of your desk!
Each balm in this series has its own insult and its own flavor, so choose wisely! And no, Karen, we can't switch up the flavors.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Suck It, Cancer Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDThe one thing that sucks harder than Karen.
Unscented so as not to interfere with treatments.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Suck It, COVID Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDWe don’t want to offend anyone, but we’ve decided that this COVID-19 virus kind of sucks. We’re definitely ready for it to be over so we can get back to normal, but this thing is really scary, so we’re staying home, washing our hands, and getting real creative with the liquor cabinet.
Which is why this lip balm tastes like bathtub gin, just like my Great Great Aunt Dora made back in 1918 (and, let’s be honest, all the way until the end of Prohibition).
And because we’d really like the scientists to get this thing under control and skip that whole second wave, we’ll be donating $1 from each lip balm sold (up to $500) to the World Heath Organization.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Noir Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDBaby, with our balm and your lips, we could go places.
Flavor: black cherry + bourbon
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Rum & Cola Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDSanta Breath Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USD"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus and then I asked Mommy why she was kissing Santa Claus and Mommy said she was kissing Santa Claus because he tastes like chocolate chip cookies. Her hair was messed up. I like cookies."
TLDR: it smells like chocolate chip cookies.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Spoiler Alert Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDIf you're thinking about being that jackass who spoils the movie for everyone else, take a minute, put on some lip balm, and remember that BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME! Each label is armed with one of hundreds of different spoilers. Some are obvious, some are obscure, some are rewrites to reflect what obviously should have happened instead of what actually happened. Sorry, we're going to have to pick the spoilers for you. No, we can't tell you which one you're going to get, that would spoil it.
Flavor: chocolate and soda. Because movies, and popcorn is so clichéd.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pizza Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDThis is a little heavy on the oregano, but otherwise kind of disgustingly true to a real piece of pizza. Like, have you ever been so desparately chapped that you used pizza grease on your lips? It's like that, but with better feels.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Unicorn Farts Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDSuck It Kyrie Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDThis lip balm won't quit on you after promising to be with you forever.
Flavored with Irish Cream, obviously.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Nasty Woman Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDFor all those times some asshole keeps interrupting you and you nearly bite through your lip. We flavored it with coffee and walnut, because we suddenly and inexplicably were in the mood for pairing nuts and scalding hot coffee.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
BRAT Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDSome of us were Brat during the grunge era, but ok kids. You do you. Lime flavored, obviously.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Childless Cat Lady Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDWe made this one mint and green tea flavored to match all the stacks of cash you have lying around waiting to send to the IRS.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Hotties for Harris Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDHotties (and white dudes and Swifties and everyone who cares at all) for Harris! Because, obviously.
Tastes like pineapple and strawberry!
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
Pumpkin Chip Lip Balm
Regular price $5.00 USD Save $-5.00 USDPossibly our most-requested lip balm flavor, this one's been a long time coming! We finally found the perfect just plain pumpkin spice to pair with deep dark chocolate.
This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.
It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.
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