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Tastes like the champagne of Maine (coffee brandy) and billionaire tears. Fueled by 2am Reddit posts.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

Smells just exactly like real imaginary unicorn farts! Which smell like spearmint and pink cotton candy, everybody knows that.

This balm is designed to melt into your lips, not into your jeans! Which is good, because I keep mine in my butt pocket. That would be embarrassing... It's got lots of yumminess in it: natural beeswax (you'll smell a little extra honey), unrefined cocoa butter (you'll smell a little cocoa too), unrefined shea butter, jojoba, sweet almond, and grape seed oils, vitamin E, and flavor oil. It's carefully formulated to give you the perfect balance of protection and softness, so you won't end up feeling greasy or waxy. My mom says, "Ooo, creeamy" every time she uses hers, if that's any indication. She has a little flair for the dramatic.

It comes in an oval plastic twist-up tube, which holds .15oz/4g and is individually shrink wrapped.

'Unicorn Farts' for cosmetic use is a registered trademark. My registered trademark, to be specific. Thank you for respecting my intellectual property and legal headaches, bath folk!

Named for and designed after my literary "if you could live anywhere...", this pair's perfect for all those long walks to Charles Hayter's house.

These mittens are knit bottom up using approximately 240 yards of DK weight yarn (sample knit with a single skein of ontheround Cottage DK in Snapdragon) and needles to achieve a gauge of 24 stitches and 34 rows per 4” (likely US 3 / 3.25 mm or US 4 / 3.5 mm, US 2.5 / 3 mm if you're loosey goosey).

The stitches and chart are intermediate-to-advanced level, but I've found that a determined beginner can figure out a complicated chart if they're stubborn enough, and I'm always available to enab--I mean hold your hand.

(This is digital knitting pattern for cabled mittens. No, you're not getting an actual pair of hand-knit mittens for $8. Come on now. A download link will display after checkout.)